The day I got fired the first thing I wanted to do was to tell my husband. I needed to hear his voice and feel his touch, yet something in me just wanted to run and hide. Two opposite forces fought for control. Shame overwhelmed me. The feeling comes to everyone who has experienced being fired no matter how hard they try to escape its clutches. Your mind races to provide a reason for something that may never be fully answered. Since I was fired I identify with the characters in detective shows who hide the fact they were fired from their spouse. It is not that I would really hide it from him, but that I understand the feeling of not wanting anyone to know. Thankfully my husband provided a soft place to fall. Not everyone has that safe place and I feel for them in a way I might not of if I didn't share their experience. We are still recovering even months later as finding a new job has proven to be difficult.
Where to start
Getting into your car and driving away will be hard. You realize you won't be pulling into the parking lot every day and starting and ending your day as you have for the period of time you worked. You may be thinking of the bills or the family vacation that was planned, the doctors visit that may have to be canceled, the braces your daughter just had put in, or simply how you are going to put food on the table. The biggest thing you are thinking about is, "How do I tell my husband or wife?' Truthfully, there is no graceful way to say it and the emotional turmoil you are in is not going to make for smooth transitions or reasoned explanations. Your pain is part of the telling, and yes that pain transfers to your husband or wife. It pours out, sometimes with lots of words and sometimes with just a few. Everyone must have time to adjust. It is a family shock.
What to say
What to say depends on the person you are addressing. Even through your pain you know the emotional makeup of your spouse and how much or little you should give them in details. A spouse may hear the whole story and all of the emotions that go with it while a child may simply hear that there was a problem at work and now Daddy or Mommy have to search for a new job. I hope one of the things you frequently say is, 'God is bigger than my problem, and He will help me' It is important to get yourself up and refuse to fall prey to depression that lingers. I know it does not seem like a positive time, but it is a time when you can find opportunities to stretch your skills and abilities in new ways. That may seem trite, but remember I am not someone who has not felt the pain and sting of job loss. Explain your pain and speak hope for the future.
If you have a family getting fired is a family affair.
I know the strong desire to hide under a rock and not come out. The desire to hole up in your room with the blanket over your head and not talk to anyone is real and hard to overcome. It can even be difficult to go out with friends because of the weight of having to tell what happened. Someone who has been fired surely needs some time to privately reflect on the situation, yet it is important to make a conscious decision and acknowledgment that you are not going through this alone. It is a family affair. Children feel the tension as well. They need to see that you are going to be okay. Remember, even though you are the one who got fired they are along for the ride.
The plan forward
You may need to take a few days to think things through and figure out what you are going to do. When you begin to have a plan in mind telling your family will help them to process the event. Filing for unemployment and then meeting the daily requirements to maintain it should be part of your plan from the start. Keeping yourself productive in this way prevents you from becoming a recluse and hiding in your bed under the blankets. Even small children can see that their parent is working towards a goal even though they may not understand the particulars.
