Unemployed and Searching for a Job. Things That Disappoint a Job Seeker and How to Overcome Them. Part 1

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Over the past several months I have read stories of people like me who have lost a job and been disappointed in the job search. They have found it difficult to maintain hope in the face of obstacles that seem to be everywhere they look.  Job seekers have real fears that they will not be able to provide for their families when unemployment runs out. That  fear comes to their hearts door at the prospect of what to do.  I don't want to promote fear on this blog, but I do want to give voice to the concerns many American's have about what they are going through rather than glibly push it under the rug.

Here are some of the things that make the job search difficult on the emotions of job seekers.

No Face to Face Interaction when they apply for a job

Online applications are popular with employers and job-seekers because of the ease of completing them in the comfort of home and collecting them quickly.  An employer can post a job in the afternoon and by the next morning have a large pool of potential workers resume's on his desk.  So what is the problem, and why do some job-seekers begin to be disappointed in them?  The face to face encounters that came with going to a business and filling out a paper application and asking to talk to a manger is almost a thing of the past.  Major companies have all but went exclusively to online job applications that carry the connotation, 'don't call us, we'll call you.'  Computer programs kick out the applications that don't appear to fit the bill and move forward.  The problem with this is that a computer cannot see what a person knows instinctively.  So while a company may rejoice at not having to deal with personal encounters that used to be the norm they may very well miss seekers that a predetermined criteria deems undesirable, but a hiring manager might see potential in.   Job Seekers are often disappointed that the trend is to limit contact with those applying for jobs.  It leaves the feeling that getting your foot in the door is nigh unto impossible.

A Lack of Common Courtesy 

Job Seekers know each application they have out and they try to know its status.  It is a delicate balance to wait a proper amount of time for a decision and  deciding to call asking the company for a status on when they will make a decision.  Sadly many companies simply hire someone and neglect to tell the other applicants that the position has been filled.  This leaves job-seekers still hoping that they will get a call from a specific company.  Modern email systems make this practice unacceptable as it is not hard to send an email to all interested parties.    

Overcoming these obstacles.

Even if you do an online application call or go to the local business and ask to speak to the Manager.  Ask about the application process and when they estimate a decision will be made.   Ask for a business card and if it is okay for you to call or email.  This will get your foot in the door and also give you a time frame.  Be careful about sending any applications or resume to any company online that will not give you their name and information.  You may not be able to change the practice of businesses to ignore those not chosen, but you can avoid waiting and waiting for a position that is no longer available simply by picking up the phone.  Determine not to hold feelings that will cause bitterness and remember you have taken the matter into your own hands rather than leaving it to others.

If you have experiences either as an employer or job-seeker I welcome your comments.

Job Loss and Depression

Many people have depression in the United States every day.  That feeling of despair can escalate even more at this time of year when everyone else seems to be in a cheery mood celebrating the Holidays with friends and family.  Activities that once brought joy may make a jobless person feel like hibernating until the season is over.  Being aware of the signs can help turn some of these feelings around or at least lend to understanding that others who are walking the path of joblessness understand.   If you are a family member you may see some of these signs in your loved one and it is my hope that you will be an encouragement for hope.

Feelings of Guilt
Job loss can produce many aspects of guilt.  Whether or not the loss was merited or the result of office politics a person who has lost a job feels blame for the position they are in and also for the financial strain that it puts upon their family.  Family members can help by not casting blame through remarks or innuendos.  Encouragement for job search efforts will help keep a person with job loss on track to find a new position while hurtful remarks could cause them to fall into a pit of despair that is hard to come out of without help.  It is important to keep in touch with people who will be supportive and helpful.  The local Career Center should be a place where job tips, readiness seminars, and encouragement are available.


Feelings of Hopelessness
Job loss can make a person feel as if things will not get better no matter how much effort is put into a job search.  When someone who has experienced job loss has tried to get another job and seems to come up against a brick wall they can begin to lose hope.  There can come a feeling of disappointment in yourself and lack of self-worth.  Many people have unknowingly placed a large portion of their identity in their work or ability to provide.  Taking steps to improve your skills through a computer course or a trade school, or something as simple as getting your resume together can help you feel hopeful.  Something as simple as a family member taking a person with a job loss to see a movie or out to dinner can distract and cause a better outlook.

Feeling of Loss
The person with job loss may also feel unproductive and at a loss of direction for their life.  You get used to your job and the people you work with even if you don't like everything about it.  Job loss cuts you off from what you've known.  You once woke up in the morning with purpose and had a job to do and no matter how small or menial that job may have been it gave you a sense of accomplishment in your life.  Don't stop being productive as you search for a job.  Keep busy in pursuits that will help you toward your goal of employment.  Be willing for example to look at part-time jobs, at training courses or volunteer work.

I hope those who have never lost a job will at least begin to sense the major blow it is to lose a job and be willing to be a blessing to those around you.  I welcome those of you who have experienced job loss to express in the comments feelings you might have had during that time.

Unemployment Requirements: First steps.

Unemployment requirements may vary from state to state.  When you sign up for unemployment you can choose to have a booklet with information sent to you or you can read everything online.  I read online, but still had a hard copy sent to my address.  

Things you are required to know.

• The contents of the unemployment handbook.  The next most important thing for you to do after you sign up for unemployment is to read the unemployment handbook.  You are responsible to do the requirements it contains and to understand all restrictions that apply.  
• After your waiting week....which may or may not equal an entire week you are required to complete job seeking requirements. Don't be confused and think you wait to meet these requirements until you find out if you are eligible for unemployment...you must start after the waiting week and be able to show you have begun job search activities. I advise making a copy of these requirements and keeping a weekly notebook to show you have completed them.  You may also be able to save your search progress online using your online profile on the state unemployment website.
• You must claim benefits each week and declare that you have indeed met the job search requirements
• You must choose a means of receiving payment for your unemployment that will be explained in the handbook and online when you complete your weekly claim benefits.  

Some states no longer have unemployment offices in each city, rather they have Career Centers that are meant to help you find work.  You may be required to sign in at a local Career Center and will receive letters from your state unemployment agency from time to time telling you to report there to go over your job search efforts with one of their workers.  It is important that you keep all of these appointments.  The Career Centers are a great resource, but remember that if you have any important questions that official answers only come through calling the state unemployment phone number.  

Getting Fired: Misconceptions people who have never lost a job have about those on unemployment.

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 If you've never been fired or laid off you may have some preconceived ideas about people who are out of work?  Going through the experience can be an eye-opener that changes your previous mindset and gives you a comradery with people who have walked the walk.  Here are some things that people who have gone through it would want you to understand.

Misconception Number 1:  Folks on unemployment take it easy and have free money.

Most people on unemployment for non-seasonal reasons would give anything to be working a job.   They are making less than they did working and they still have households to take care of each month.  Most people in America make it month to month and that triples for an unemployed person.  Far from soaking in the sun or watching soap operas all day they are concerned about making their monthly bills.  Businesses are required to carry unemployment Insurance and those people who lose their jobs and qualify need not feel ashamed of using what is a mandatory benefit and protection for all workers in our country.  It is not a cake walk to be in a situation where you do not know your future.  Participants are required to meet weekly requirements within their job search and most go beyond those guidelines.

Misconception Number 2: Folks on unemployment must have done something to cause them to be let go.

There are two sides to every story.  Most advice to those who have lost a job is not to get stuck in laying blame but to move forward and find another job.  That is advisable in the grand scheme of things because in order to get back in the game you must have your focus on the prize.  Nonetheless, it is important for those who have not experienced unemployment to understand that everyone no matter how loyal and hardworking could one day find themselves without a job due to unfortunate circumstances.  It is easy to imagine that it could never happen to you, but many throughout the country in recent years have found out that what they thought could not happen became reality in their lives.  As I search the net I still see the prideful boast of those without a clue, but I've also seen in real life the humility of those who now understand it can happen to anyone and there are always two sides to a story.

Misconception Number 3: Folks on unemployment could get a job in a few days if they would just hustle and not be picky

Many assume that there are jobs at every turn and if people would just go out and get them they'd be fine.  Our society values education and you'd surprised the number of people with degrees working at entry level jobs because that is all they could find.  Many job seekers who have been willing to try anything have found that even entry-level jobs are in high demand leaving them with a tough market.   Don't assume people haven't applied to burger joints or the ever popular Walmart type jobs at some time in their job quest. 


To those who have never lost a job it is my fondest hope that you never have to experience the loss of a job and your means of support, but I also hope you will put yourself in someone else's shoe's and try to understand the situation many in our nation have gone through in recent years.

Getting Fired; Ripping off the Scarlet Letter

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The first few days I started looking for a new job I was quickly reminded of my High School English class and the classic book the Scarlet Letter.   In the book, there is a lady who lived in the Puritan era whose husband sent her to America promising to follow soon afterward.  She ended up having an affair and a child presuming her husband died when he did not come when promised.  Forever after the people demanded that she wear a scarlet letter A representing adulteress so all would know her evil deed. She and her child were basically ostracized by the community until some twist in the plot turned things around.  I don't support adultery, but when you think about it getting fired can feel as if you have a label placed on you for all to read and judge you by.  Most applications have the question that those who have been fired dread.  Have you ever been terminated from any position?  I remember thinking this is going to follow me forever. There is usually a space to put an explanation, but you can't help but wonder if it is the death nail for your application.    It is tricky to navigate this question because you understand that proper protocol demands that you must not appear angry or bitter against your former employer yet you must explain what happened.

What twist can turn things around for the word fired?

1.  Decide what you are going to say
 Take some time to decide what you are going to say or write with the help of someone at the Career Center, a friend who has gone through it or even get some ideas from a web search.  Taking the stress out of your response is very helpful.   Remember what you say on an application may differ depending on the way the question is worded and if they require a small explanation or more detailed one.  Sometimes you can write something as simple as "will discuss" allowing for a simple explanation at the interview .  Having taken the time to think this over and write out a small explanation will help you in stressful situations to be prepared to give a good impression.

2.  Don't be negative
I know it may not seem fair, but you must guard against having a negative attitude toward a former supervisor or management personnel if you are called upon to explain in an application or job interview the reason you were let go.  Remember a prospective supervisor will take negativity to mean you are unable to be directed by someone in authority.  Rather simply state the problem and your willingness to seek new opportunities wishing the old company goodwill.      

3.  Work on changing your own mindset
I realize that there are those that will always have the mindset that the employee must be totally at fault otherwise why would they be in this predicament.  You cannot change everyone's mindset, but you can change yours.  You can give a short explanation and move on centering on your skills and your willingness to fit into the new work culture.  A lack of confidence will show like like a neon light the big letter F just as the woman in the story of the Scarlet Letter wore the letter of shame.  If you need to brush up on some skills take the time to do it now.  If you need help building a resume do it, a career center is a wonderful resource.  There is a job for you that will want you despite the fact you were fired and in order to find it your mindset has to become confident.  You must refuse to carry the shame of the letter and go past whatever happened and see Gods plan for your future.

Getting Fired: Who is to blame?

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The first day of my blog I touched on this topic a little bit but didn't center on it.  When you hear those words, "You're fired", "It is not working out", or "You'll find something else"  your heart skips and your emotions may go numb for a moment.  It is can be like a death of a sort and whether you knew it was coming or you have been totally blindsided it stings.  Most websites that deal with unemployment don't like to ponder the question of blame because it is important to get to the business of finding a new job and getting your bearings.  I agree with that premise, but my belief is sometimes you have to examine this question in order to go on.  The truth is whether you got a raw deal or not you will have to move past it and hopefully come to some forgiveness so that you can be effective in your next job and even in your relationship with others....but sweeping the sting under the rug may not bring you there.  One of the first things that can happen even to a good worker is a loss of confidence in their proven skills and abilities and a feeling of letting everyone down even if it wasn't really all their fault.

I'm going to give you some brief dos and don'ts of examining blame and perhaps you can comment about what helped you get through your in initial feelings of loss or what you are struggling with right now.

Do's and Don'ts (Each point has do's and don'ts I think you'll be able to clearly distinguish them)

1.  Examine the written and implied reasons for being fired
Thoughtfully consider whether there were any valid points for your dismissal.  This is hard because it requires a mindset that goes past our natural defense system which is quick to lay everything at the feet of the employer at a time when every fiber of our being wants to shout the injustice.  The truth is there may be many things that are on the employer but this exercise is for you....its to help you recover so examine everything.   When you acknowledge something on your part you are taking a step that will help you on the next job to understand the perspective of others. Write down points that show both sides.  Writing your side of things will also help you when you file your unemployment case because usually there is a question that requires a two or three sentence explanation of why you got fired.  I know this is not fun but it can really help you in the end.

2.  Get the perspective of someone you trust
Be careful who you talk to about your feelings and your former employer.  You will need to have someone to bounce off your emotions and feelings to and even someone to be willing to share where you might have gone wrong, but not someone who will carry the news along with your raw emotions to others.   Remember soon you are going to be looking for another job or opportunity and you do not want the wrong person to have an inside view of your raw emotions from when you first got fired.  On the other hand, someone who really cares about you and knows the need to keep your struggle private can be a great asset to your emotional recovery.

3.  Don't spend all of your time thinking about the wrongs done to you and going over it again and again in your head.
Take a break.  Go for a walk or an event with your family.  I know you may not feel like doing anything.  You may want to curl up in front of the TV or a book, you may want to ponder the questions over and over, but please resist doing that all day long.  Get up and set some positive goals for the day that don't involve thinking of your former supervisor or co-workers.  Do something for yourself that will kick-start your confidence in your skills.

4.  You are used to a schedule.  Make some daily goals to keep yourself going.
You may not usually have to write a goal, but for the first few weeks, you may have to do just that to keep yourself from becoming non-productive.  The first day after you lose your job should be filing for unemployment.  Thereafter it can be a daily goal that gets you closer to recovering and finding a new job.




Please feel free to comment on what helped you, how you are feeling, or even the content of this post.

Getting Fired: Some advice about signing up for unemployment

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When I was a kid I remember an unemployment office in town where people were able to talk face to face with someone and fill out an unemployment application with many of the initial questions answered right there.  Today the offices in many states have been replaced by career centers that are geared for job seekers but  the staff cannot walk you through the unemployment application process.  I remember going to the center thinking I would come out with the application complete but instead was handed a brochure about how to apply online or via phone call.  The lady at the desk was kind and I was almost in tears.  I found out later that a kind spirit was necessary to be effective as many who come having lost a job whether they have outward emotions or not are broken in spirit.  

Some advice from going through the process myself. (I live in NY State so remember that things may be a little different in your state)

The Career Center

Sign up at the Career Center right away.  Someone may tell you to wait until you have your unemployment approved, but sometimes that takes a while and even before you are approved there are requirements of seeking employment that the Career Center can help you with.  Your initial contact with the center should give you a brochure or information about how to contact the unemployment center via phone or web-site.  One of the most important pieces of information  I received was a sheet that showed me the steps of the automated phone system for unemployment that would lead me to being able to talk to a real person quickly.  There was a line in the brochure that explained that it was understandable that the process may seem overwhelming but it was doable.  The fact that the brochure that was handed out at the Career Center acknowledged that losing a job and then having to figure out how to sign up for unemployment was difficult for most people helped me feel not so alone

Things to have on hand when you make the call or sign up on the unemployment web-site

The brochure and the staff at the Career Center have a pretty good idea of the items you will need.  You will need to have your Social Security Number and the date of your hire and dismissal.  I had forgotten the exact date of my hire and only knew the month and year.  I was able to call Human Resources at my former company and they told me.  Don’t let fear or being upset keep you from reaching out to get the information, just maintain a professional attitude and most HR directors will help you.  Also on the application be prepared to give a few sentences about the reason for dismissal.  You will also need the complete name of the company and address.  I had my check stubs ready to show my pay rate but found that the State has all that information when they have the name of the company where you worked.  It is better to be over prepared than to be in the middle and having to go look for things.  Some states have a pre check list on their web-site or you can ask your local career center if they have the handy sheet that helps you get to a  person at the state unemployment office quickly.   NY State has its unemployment handbook on its website I’m sure many other states do as well

Official Information

It is important to remember that while the Career Centers can help you navigate many things they are not the official place to get definitive answers for specific questions about eligibility or what is allowable throughout your time on unemployment.  Important questions must be answered through the official state handbook or by calling the unemployment number and speaking to someone there. 

Getting Fired: What Happens now?

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Getting Fired

People get fired every day.  No matter how it is done or the reasons it’s a crushing blow for the person that finds himself instantly without a job and income in one fatal swoop.  Sometimes there are legitimate reasons for an employer to let an employee go such as poor attendance, performance or reasons of attitude.  We all know of instances where a loyal employee is blindsided with no fault of their own having fallen in to the pit of office politics or emotional responses within management.  Many sites that cover the topic of job loss stay clear to a large extent of the emotions of this question.  I understand they limit their time pondering blame because it is important to move forward so you can recover.  However, if you are like most people who have been freshly fired this question is upper most in your mind and talking about it may keep you from stalling.   I warn you that in the end  even if you had a bad deal you are going to have to lay that aside and forgive , but there is something about  acknowledging the trauma of it that can help you move forward.   Over the coming days we will discuss blame whether it be our own or our employers in more detail, but for now I'd like to give a little advice from my experience that can help you along the way.  I have walked this road and know first hand the hurt that comes with the words, "it is not working out".

Get up

This  may seem silly but it can be something that will keep you on the right track.  When we are devastated it is easy to want to wallow in bed.  I am not advising you to hide your emotions, but I am saying it is good to keep your routine of getting up and accomplishing goals. I was used to getting up at 5 am with my husband and leaving for work by 6:15.  I kept the 5:00 am routine from the beginning and it has helped me focus on new things and accomplish things that might have been left undone otherwise.  It wasn't always easy because my natural desire was to stay in bed under the covers and cry.  Somehow getting up gave me confidence and made me feel as if this set back wasn't going to get the better of me.  Remember our first desire is not always the right thing to do....face the day.

Set some goals

Setting goals may come naturally to you in the work world, but when you've been fired it can be a challenge to take even the smallest steps because of the emotional turmoil that you may be experiencing.  You are worried about money, your family and what you are going to do.  My first step was to sign up for Unemployment.  It seemed at the time that these goals were overwhelming, but as I moved along they all became easier and propelled me closer to where I needed to be. Because making and accomplishing goals can be hard when you are upset I advise putting them on paper.  Something as simple as writing, " go to the unemployment center" or "go to the unemployment website for my state and call the phone number to find out the proper steps to take" will give you a focus for the day.  No you might not accomplish the many goals  you did at work, but you are going forward.  

I hope you will follow my experience and find some help for your experience.  Feel free to comment as you never know how your experience may bless someone else.