Getting Fired: Who is to blame?

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The first day of my blog I touched on this topic a little bit but didn't center on it.  When you hear those words, "You're fired", "It is not working out", or "You'll find something else"  your heart skips and your emotions may go numb for a moment.  It is can be like a death of a sort and whether you knew it was coming or you have been totally blindsided it stings.  Most websites that deal with unemployment don't like to ponder the question of blame because it is important to get to the business of finding a new job and getting your bearings.  I agree with that premise, but my belief is sometimes you have to examine this question in order to go on.  The truth is whether you got a raw deal or not you will have to move past it and hopefully come to some forgiveness so that you can be effective in your next job and even in your relationship with others....but sweeping the sting under the rug may not bring you there.  One of the first things that can happen even to a good worker is a loss of confidence in their proven skills and abilities and a feeling of letting everyone down even if it wasn't really all their fault.

I'm going to give you some brief dos and don'ts of examining blame and perhaps you can comment about what helped you get through your in initial feelings of loss or what you are struggling with right now.

Do's and Don'ts (Each point has do's and don'ts I think you'll be able to clearly distinguish them)

1.  Examine the written and implied reasons for being fired
Thoughtfully consider whether there were any valid points for your dismissal.  This is hard because it requires a mindset that goes past our natural defense system which is quick to lay everything at the feet of the employer at a time when every fiber of our being wants to shout the injustice.  The truth is there may be many things that are on the employer but this exercise is for you....its to help you recover so examine everything.   When you acknowledge something on your part you are taking a step that will help you on the next job to understand the perspective of others. Write down points that show both sides.  Writing your side of things will also help you when you file your unemployment case because usually there is a question that requires a two or three sentence explanation of why you got fired.  I know this is not fun but it can really help you in the end.

2.  Get the perspective of someone you trust
Be careful who you talk to about your feelings and your former employer.  You will need to have someone to bounce off your emotions and feelings to and even someone to be willing to share where you might have gone wrong, but not someone who will carry the news along with your raw emotions to others.   Remember soon you are going to be looking for another job or opportunity and you do not want the wrong person to have an inside view of your raw emotions from when you first got fired.  On the other hand, someone who really cares about you and knows the need to keep your struggle private can be a great asset to your emotional recovery.

3.  Don't spend all of your time thinking about the wrongs done to you and going over it again and again in your head.
Take a break.  Go for a walk or an event with your family.  I know you may not feel like doing anything.  You may want to curl up in front of the TV or a book, you may want to ponder the questions over and over, but please resist doing that all day long.  Get up and set some positive goals for the day that don't involve thinking of your former supervisor or co-workers.  Do something for yourself that will kick-start your confidence in your skills.

4.  You are used to a schedule.  Make some daily goals to keep yourself going.
You may not usually have to write a goal, but for the first few weeks, you may have to do just that to keep yourself from becoming non-productive.  The first day after you lose your job should be filing for unemployment.  Thereafter it can be a daily goal that gets you closer to recovering and finding a new job.




Please feel free to comment on what helped you, how you are feeling, or even the content of this post.