Getting Fired: Who is to blame?

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The first day of my blog I touched on this topic a little bit but didn't center on it.  When you hear those words, "You're fired", "It is not working out", or "You'll find something else"  your heart skips and your emotions may go numb for a moment.  It is can be like a death of a sort and whether you knew it was coming or you have been totally blindsided it stings.  Most websites that deal with unemployment don't like to ponder the question of blame because it is important to get to the business of finding a new job and getting your bearings.  I agree with that premise, but my belief is sometimes you have to examine this question in order to go on.  The truth is whether you got a raw deal or not you will have to move past it and hopefully come to some forgiveness so that you can be effective in your next job and even in your relationship with others....but sweeping the sting under the rug may not bring you there.  One of the first things that can happen even to a good worker is a loss of confidence in their proven skills and abilities and a feeling of letting everyone down even if it wasn't really all their fault.

I'm going to give you some brief dos and don'ts of examining blame and perhaps you can comment about what helped you get through your in initial feelings of loss or what you are struggling with right now.

Do's and Don'ts (Each point has do's and don'ts I think you'll be able to clearly distinguish them)

1.  Examine the written and implied reasons for being fired
Thoughtfully consider whether there were any valid points for your dismissal.  This is hard because it requires a mindset that goes past our natural defense system which is quick to lay everything at the feet of the employer at a time when every fiber of our being wants to shout the injustice.  The truth is there may be many things that are on the employer but this exercise is for you....its to help you recover so examine everything.   When you acknowledge something on your part you are taking a step that will help you on the next job to understand the perspective of others. Write down points that show both sides.  Writing your side of things will also help you when you file your unemployment case because usually there is a question that requires a two or three sentence explanation of why you got fired.  I know this is not fun but it can really help you in the end.

2.  Get the perspective of someone you trust
Be careful who you talk to about your feelings and your former employer.  You will need to have someone to bounce off your emotions and feelings to and even someone to be willing to share where you might have gone wrong, but not someone who will carry the news along with your raw emotions to others.   Remember soon you are going to be looking for another job or opportunity and you do not want the wrong person to have an inside view of your raw emotions from when you first got fired.  On the other hand, someone who really cares about you and knows the need to keep your struggle private can be a great asset to your emotional recovery.

3.  Don't spend all of your time thinking about the wrongs done to you and going over it again and again in your head.
Take a break.  Go for a walk or an event with your family.  I know you may not feel like doing anything.  You may want to curl up in front of the TV or a book, you may want to ponder the questions over and over, but please resist doing that all day long.  Get up and set some positive goals for the day that don't involve thinking of your former supervisor or co-workers.  Do something for yourself that will kick-start your confidence in your skills.

4.  You are used to a schedule.  Make some daily goals to keep yourself going.
You may not usually have to write a goal, but for the first few weeks, you may have to do just that to keep yourself from becoming non-productive.  The first day after you lose your job should be filing for unemployment.  Thereafter it can be a daily goal that gets you closer to recovering and finding a new job.




Please feel free to comment on what helped you, how you are feeling, or even the content of this post.

Getting Fired: Some advice about signing up for unemployment

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When I was a kid I remember an unemployment office in town where people were able to talk face to face with someone and fill out an unemployment application with many of the initial questions answered right there.  Today the offices in many states have been replaced by career centers that are geared for job seekers but  the staff cannot walk you through the unemployment application process.  I remember going to the center thinking I would come out with the application complete but instead was handed a brochure about how to apply online or via phone call.  The lady at the desk was kind and I was almost in tears.  I found out later that a kind spirit was necessary to be effective as many who come having lost a job whether they have outward emotions or not are broken in spirit.  

Some advice from going through the process myself. (I live in NY State so remember that things may be a little different in your state)

The Career Center

Sign up at the Career Center right away.  Someone may tell you to wait until you have your unemployment approved, but sometimes that takes a while and even before you are approved there are requirements of seeking employment that the Career Center can help you with.  Your initial contact with the center should give you a brochure or information about how to contact the unemployment center via phone or web-site.  One of the most important pieces of information  I received was a sheet that showed me the steps of the automated phone system for unemployment that would lead me to being able to talk to a real person quickly.  There was a line in the brochure that explained that it was understandable that the process may seem overwhelming but it was doable.  The fact that the brochure that was handed out at the Career Center acknowledged that losing a job and then having to figure out how to sign up for unemployment was difficult for most people helped me feel not so alone

Things to have on hand when you make the call or sign up on the unemployment web-site

The brochure and the staff at the Career Center have a pretty good idea of the items you will need.  You will need to have your Social Security Number and the date of your hire and dismissal.  I had forgotten the exact date of my hire and only knew the month and year.  I was able to call Human Resources at my former company and they told me.  Don’t let fear or being upset keep you from reaching out to get the information, just maintain a professional attitude and most HR directors will help you.  Also on the application be prepared to give a few sentences about the reason for dismissal.  You will also need the complete name of the company and address.  I had my check stubs ready to show my pay rate but found that the State has all that information when they have the name of the company where you worked.  It is better to be over prepared than to be in the middle and having to go look for things.  Some states have a pre check list on their web-site or you can ask your local career center if they have the handy sheet that helps you get to a  person at the state unemployment office quickly.   NY State has its unemployment handbook on its website I’m sure many other states do as well

Official Information

It is important to remember that while the Career Centers can help you navigate many things they are not the official place to get definitive answers for specific questions about eligibility or what is allowable throughout your time on unemployment.  Important questions must be answered through the official state handbook or by calling the unemployment number and speaking to someone there. 

Getting Fired: What Happens now?

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Getting Fired

People get fired every day.  No matter how it is done or the reasons it’s a crushing blow for the person that finds himself instantly without a job and income in one fatal swoop.  Sometimes there are legitimate reasons for an employer to let an employee go such as poor attendance, performance or reasons of attitude.  We all know of instances where a loyal employee is blindsided with no fault of their own having fallen in to the pit of office politics or emotional responses within management.  Many sites that cover the topic of job loss stay clear to a large extent of the emotions of this question.  I understand they limit their time pondering blame because it is important to move forward so you can recover.  However, if you are like most people who have been freshly fired this question is upper most in your mind and talking about it may keep you from stalling.   I warn you that in the end  even if you had a bad deal you are going to have to lay that aside and forgive , but there is something about  acknowledging the trauma of it that can help you move forward.   Over the coming days we will discuss blame whether it be our own or our employers in more detail, but for now I'd like to give a little advice from my experience that can help you along the way.  I have walked this road and know first hand the hurt that comes with the words, "it is not working out".

Get up

This  may seem silly but it can be something that will keep you on the right track.  When we are devastated it is easy to want to wallow in bed.  I am not advising you to hide your emotions, but I am saying it is good to keep your routine of getting up and accomplishing goals. I was used to getting up at 5 am with my husband and leaving for work by 6:15.  I kept the 5:00 am routine from the beginning and it has helped me focus on new things and accomplish things that might have been left undone otherwise.  It wasn't always easy because my natural desire was to stay in bed under the covers and cry.  Somehow getting up gave me confidence and made me feel as if this set back wasn't going to get the better of me.  Remember our first desire is not always the right thing to do....face the day.

Set some goals

Setting goals may come naturally to you in the work world, but when you've been fired it can be a challenge to take even the smallest steps because of the emotional turmoil that you may be experiencing.  You are worried about money, your family and what you are going to do.  My first step was to sign up for Unemployment.  It seemed at the time that these goals were overwhelming, but as I moved along they all became easier and propelled me closer to where I needed to be. Because making and accomplishing goals can be hard when you are upset I advise putting them on paper.  Something as simple as writing, " go to the unemployment center" or "go to the unemployment website for my state and call the phone number to find out the proper steps to take" will give you a focus for the day.  No you might not accomplish the many goals  you did at work, but you are going forward.  

I hope you will follow my experience and find some help for your experience.  Feel free to comment as you never know how your experience may bless someone else.